This is article two of three. To identify key decisions in your life, first, look at your current circumstances because they are a reflection of your beliefs and assumptions. If you find there is a pattern to your circumstances and your behavior then you know you made a key decision that is being played and re-played out in your life. For example, if you go from one bad relationship to another, you likely made a key decision about yourself and relationships that keeps you from experiencing loving, intimate connections. Or if you have chronic problems with money, again there is a key decision about what money means or what you deserve. Maybe you find yourself exhausted because you are always working and never give yourself a break. Did you make a decision at some point that you must constantly strive to do more, have more, be more?
One very useful exercise is to write your autobiography in order to review your life story. Think back over your life and write down your memories about what you experienced, what life was like, what you felt. Start as far back as you can. What do you remember between the ages of 0-5, 5-10, 10-15, and so on? It is best to hand write your story on paper because this will engage your right brain more and stimulate your forgotten memories.
After you have a good collection of memories written down, take some time to look for significant events and for themes.
- What patterns can you see?
- How did you respond to difficult events or pattern of events?
- How did you try to make yourself feel better?
- What did you do to try to succeed, get attention, or feel significant?
- Can you see ways you learned to protect yourself?
By answering these questions and reflecting on the themes in your life you should be able to see some key decisions you made that have influenced the course of your life and how you have lived.
In the first article I told you about the husband of a couple I am working with. The wife also has an interesting story to tell. She grew up with her mother and an old sister. Mom had men in and out of her life and some of them were controlling and abusive. Mom worked hard and went out often so my client basically had to cope with life on her own. She found refuge in her friends and their families and got some of her needs for attention met. She made some key decisions to cope with life by trying to be perfect and make people like her. She also decided she wanted to have a large family and dedicate herself to being the best mother she could be.
The key decisions this client made helped her get some of her needs met as a child and to be successful as a wife and mother as an adult. However, she was also very sensitive to any indication of not being loved and valued. In the previous article we learned that her husband was good at providing and working hard but not skilled in emotional connection. She responded in the only way she knew, which was to be even more perfect and work for his acceptance. Inevitably this pattern led to resentment for both of them as they were not really getting what they needed from one another. Again the good news is they both made a commitment to learn how to change the key decision patterns and create a new quality of connection. The next article will focus on how to understand and change self-defeating key decisions.
About the Author
When I was in my early twenties I used to think about all the changes my grand parents had seen in their lifetime. The invention of cars, telephones, televisions, indoor plumbing, electricity, all of which in my twenties were things I just took for granted. Now I see my grand kids taking for granted computers, smart phones, iPads, iPods and all the other new devices that have been invented. Something I could not even imagine in my twenties. I remember thinking when we could rent a movie and take it home and watch it on our television was incredible. In my wildest dreams I could not comprehend what our world would look like in 2013.
My parents are in their eighties and they want nothing to do with cell phones or computers. I have watched them become more and more isolated from the world. They have resisted change instead of embracing it. I know that if I do not accept the challenge of keeping up with technology, I too, will become isolated as I grow old. My grand kids keep me motivated to learn so I do not become disconnected from them. I am so thankful for Facebook so my daughter-in-law can keep me posted on what is going on in their lives 500 miles away. Just today she posted pictures of my grand daughter’s birthday party at her school. My grand kids can always help me out, or at least point me in the right direction, with a problem with my phone or computer. I first had a cell phone, but after I got hooked on texting, I graduated to an iPhone and I love it.
I switched from a PC to a Macbook Pro a couple of months ago and that has been interesting. Still have so much to learn. My grand son and I can now FaceTime anytime we want and that is awesome. The challenge of stretching myself everyday to learn this new world is hard and it would be so much easier to wish the world would adapt to me instead of me to it. Unfortunately, I can see from my parents, that does not happen. My goal is to be educated about new things and embrace and not resist change so when I am in my eighties I will be able to communicate at some level of technological intelligence with my grand kids and great grand kids and the rest of the world for that matter.
The changes in the last 20 years have been mind boggling, I can’t imagine what the world will be like in the next 20 years. The fear of becoming old and isolated keeps me motivated to stay connected to my family and the world and gives me the incentive to continue to grow and challenge myself to never stop learning.
Roses are the best flowers to express feelings and emotions. The flower is ideal for those who are in love and want to express this to their partner. In fact, roses are synonymous to love. As a gift it holds numerous messages, which the receiver understands through its colours. Over the years the meaning of each colour of roses has evolved to feed every sentiment. If you don’t know which rose colour signifies what; read on to enlighten your minds.
- Red – Although a cliché, red roses find its place in every bouquet. It completes an occasion and decoration of a place. Red roses signify true love. It has appeared as a symbol of religion and happiness. Red roses are particularly an excellent choice for your first date, to propose someone, for Valentine’s Day, and wedding decoration.
- Yellow – This colour depicts friendship, joy, and wellness. Yellow roses are generally associated with the sun, and mostly used for cheering people up. Generally, when people are unwell or hospitalized, visitors prefer sending a bouquet of yellow flowers. Yellow represents brightness. It conveys a message of love, without the romantic subtext of other colours. It is also associated with friendship. Yellow roses are especially used to delight a hospitalized person or to start a new relationship (friendship).
- Pink – This colour is the sign of love, gratitude, and appreciation. This colour is mostly preferred by females. Pink is symbolic of innocence, elegance, gentleness, and grace. It signifies sweetness and poetic romance. Pink roses can be used to express sympathy or to impress a girl. Pink roses are usually included in the flower bouquet to enhance its beauty and add a unique and a soft touch to it.
- White – White is symbolic of purity, innocence, spirituality and peace. Also famous as the bridal roses, the white rose is a traditional favourite of western weddings. You can also link white roses with honour and love. White rose speckles elegance. A creatively designed white flower bouquet can add a golden touch to the collection.
- Lavender – One of the most beautiful colours, a lavender bouquet expresses enhancement, magic and love and first sight feeling. Whenever a sender wants to convey how he was attracted towards the recipients, lavender flower is the best way to convey this message. This colour was also associated with royalty, traditionally. Lavender flowers are particularly useful for impressing bosses or decorating a royal dinner table.
Most people also prefer orange colour roses that are symbolic of passion and enthusiasm. The different colours of roses are exported to many countries like UK, US, India and others.
In the last article in this series I introduced you to the concept of Stop Settling.
Most men don’t realize it, but at any moment they can turn their lives around and start strong in the direction of their dreams by doing that one simple step. Stop settling.
And your assignment was to get ready doing just that. I’ll give you the steps and the encouragement, but you gotta do the work.
Now. Next step.
Design the life you want.
1. What does your ideal relationship look like?
2. What does your adventure look like?
For most of you guys this is going to be a self-discovery process. And it’s going to take some time to get this clarified. Because right now you are probably all mixed up and angry and hurt and maybe jealous and it’s clouding your man powers and your man vision.
And furthermore, most guys never sit down and ask themselves what they want.
Oh, you might have some vague daydream of driving your Bentley into the Porte Cochere of a sprawling mansion as your smoking hot wife comes running down the stairs in her stilletos to cover you with her expensive lipstick.
But that’s not real. And even if you won the lottery right now, today, and you made that scene happen next week, you wouldn’t be happy. That woman wouldn’t stay with you. You’d get bored and feel insecure and check with her every five minutes to see if she was happy.
Don’t feel bad. I was the same way. It’s not because there is anything wrong with you.
The problem is two things…
1. You don’t know what you want.
2. You don’t know that it’s more than okay for you to get what you want.
Right now let’s deal with number one and later in the week we’ll conquer number two.
1. Get out a sheet of paper.
2. On one side at the top write the word: Relationship.
3. On the other side at the top write the word: Adventure.
4. On each side write everything you can think of that has anything to do with what you want in that category. Everything… images… ideas… movies that represent appealing concepts you want… web addresses… names of ideal partners from the past… sex acts and positions… personality characteristics… places you want to visit… things you want to learn… skills… experiences… the sky is the limit.
Don’t worry about funding or talents or looks or intelligence. If you want it write it down. And be honest. No settling.
That’s it for today.
And keep that list someplace safe. We are going to use it. A lot.
Let it begin.
Does she think she has you all figured out?
Treats you like you are old news?
- Access and express your feelings.
- Unhook from trying to impress her
- See her rejections as cute
- And awaken her inner pornstar.
She won’t even recognize you by the end of the month.
Nov 24, 2013
But should they have a strong feeling that any text they get from you is likely to add more stress for their already frustrated emotions, chances are they will always cringe after they hear the beep on their own phone announcing that you simply have sent them another message. If your Internet Explorer just isn’t functioning properly, it’s almost guaranteed that the Internet Explorer settings are incorrect. As a result, it can be seen that it can be possible to ensure if he or she really wants you returning. It is irritating and only causes upset, anger and frustration. However, reacting the contrary way may also show disfavor for your relationship.
The realization sets in that you don’t actually know what to express or how to state it. This is obviously a safe place to start, you don’t want to be wanting to communicate with the ex that has moved on, it can be a huge humiliation should they are hardly interested. Be persuasive but never ever be also persistent simply because this may well push your ex away. When finished, important computer data will look similar to this inside. Using the spy software packages are pletely legal and definately will help you stop him dead in the tracks.
Use your time and effort apart to imagine of that which you really want to express within your message and select the correct moment to transmit it. I looked out your windows upon the courtyard of sandstones along with the banana trees and all the green palms. You have to acquire yourself to a place where you can logically look on the positives and also the negatives of reconciling together along with her. The process is rather straightforward and there is actually not much you’ll be able to do aside from your below:. Just look how many sequels the American Pie series has spawned.
I know this could sound impossible, but you are going to have to overcome these emotions and think logically. This also will not warrant one to begin taking up your telephone and sending texts complete words that you just will in no way have the ability to consider back as some males do. Text messages certainly are a great way to break the ice and initiate talking to your ex again. Flash drives are relatively inexpensive (looking at they’re reusable), compact, convenient, easy to use, compatible with both PC and Mac, and do not require any software installations. We are back together, and this day I still remind myself never to use the ‘let’s say’ game.
I’m not to imply that you need to completely ignore him or her girlfriend if she gets in touch along, this is rather stupid and provide her the idea that you are not interested or are now being childish. Whatever the reason is, considering it will usually cause you to decide should you really want to get him back. Keeping connected on a regular bases can be a key factor to get my ex-girlfriend back. He named it “The Clean Slate” method because it has the power to “wipe the slate clean” so a relationship can set out to heal. Find out exactly what you have to complete and say to create her miss you and want you back again here.
Sex can be termed as the oldest game of love on the earth. It is exercised not only to produce children but also to have pleasure and happiness by developing physical relations in all cultures and countries. In modern times, sex is also exercised with modern means of communication such as phone, videos and SMS. When it comes to taking services of phone chat sex in Australia using special phone chat sex numbers, your experience can be good or bad on the basis of satisfaction you get from the service of your choice. When it comes to taking any Australian phone chat sex service, you need to judge the ability of phone chat sex services to make you happy and satisfied with outcome of your choice. To do so, you need to checkout mentioned below factors that can make a real difference to your physical needs. These include:
If you go in for these suggestions and tips, you can certainly find a perfect sex partner that makes you go wild tonight.
About the Author
FOR MY WAY of thinking, there are four kinds of people in this world: of two forms, the giver and the taker, there are two forms of each: the emotionally healthy and the emotionally hurt. So, that means, broadly speaking there are these four kinds of people:
1. the Emotionally Healthy Giver
2. the Emotionally Healthy Taker
3. the Emotionally Hurt Giver
4. the Emotionally Hurt Taker
Giver: someone who is characterised by a natural desire to give their time, effort, and resources.
Taker: someone who is characterised by a natural desire to receive from others in favour of giving.
Let’s contrast these four kinds of people to determine what’s most desirable.
1. THE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY GIVER
It’s obvious that this is the most desirable person to be, as well as being the best (safest) person to interact with. They give with absolutely no strings attached. They don’t need kudos, but they see where it’s due and ensure they give plenty of feedback and praise; they encourage others. Their giving is done with proper motive, imaginatively, and without hesitation or regret. To be characterised as an emotionally healthy giver is probably the greatest relational compliment. A designation from attachment theory would suggest this person is securely adjusted to his/her world.
2. THE EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY TAKER
These people are fun to be around when it’s all smooth sailing, but when the winds of adversity beat on bow of the boat – and there’s something unsavoury to deal with – they may quickly go off in search for something more positive. They sow into relationships, but only to a point, because there’s a selfish motive underpinning their method. Of all people who should be wary of the emotionally healthy taker it’s the next category of person – the emotionally hurt giver. The attachment pattern represented, here, is avoidant.
3. THE EMOTIONALLY HURT GIVER
The emotionally hurt giver is hurt, again, when their giving is not appreciated – and the taker is the past-master of taking without gratitude or even taking whilst criticising. These two are on a collision course and conflict is only a stretch of time away. If they get too damaged, emotionally hurt givers can become emotionally hurt takers, having given up on the worth and use of giving when they continually stand to be hurt. But this person wants to give; they just also need to be appreciated for their giving. They fit suitably in the mould ambivalent/resistant or have an anxious pattern of attachment.
4. THE EMOTIONALLY HURT TAKER
This person is so easily maligned. They are damaged goods. They may love you one minute, despise you the next. So far as attachment theory is concerned, this person behaves consistently with the disorganised pattern. If we are an emotionally hurt taker, we have learned that hardly anyone can be trusted; the world is a dark and dangerous place. It seems obvious that those who have been abused and neglected as children may battle to overcome this pattern, for those they had to trust continually violated them.
Giving is better than taking and emotional health is better than emotional hurt. So the emotionally healthy giver – who gives without hesitation or regret – and keeps on giving – is blessed. It’s best that people who are natural givers learn that there are many takers – yes, even in the Christian world – and, in resetting their expectations, they will simply understand it’s just more blessed to give than receive.
© 2013 S. J. Wickham.
When it comes to dynamics in relationships that cause problems and a fair amount of frustration, there are two common patterns of behaviour. One of those is when one is attracted to people who are unavailable. So they desire to be another person and yet continually end up being attracted to people who are not there for them.
This is going to create one set of challenges, and what will create another is when one attracts people who are needy. Here, one will end up attracting people who want so much and more than they can or are prepared to give.
And while there can be other relationship challenges that people can have, these two are very common in today’s world. Therefore if one has faced these challenges in their own life or still is, it is not something that should be taken to heart.
The Current State
It is just a reflection of where society is in general and not simply limited to a few individuals here and there. Numerous people on this planet are going through the same challenges at this time. When one has a problem in their life, it is easy to come to the conclusion that they are the only ones who have it.
And this can cause one to feel victimised and hard done by. When in reality, it is not limited to them and something other people are also trying to handle. Realising this can make it easier and stop one from feeling added pressure and stress.
When one has a pattern of attracting people who are unavailable for instance, it doesn’t mean that this is the case on the odd occasion. It is going to be a way of life for them and due to this, one has a reason to feel aggravated.
And if one has a pattern of attracting people who are needy, it is not that these people have needs that are the problem. Everyone on this planet has needs and that is not something to feel ashamed of or weak.
This is a natural part of being human and this can’t be changed or removed. But there is a clear difference between someone who has needs and someone who is needy.
This is likely to cause someone to behave in ways that are overwhelming; cause one to feel smothered and trapped for example. And even though one could go along with this for a while or have set times when they do, it won’t be enough for this person.
Their neediness will never end, no matter how much one gives into it. These needs are insatiable and unable to be met by another human being. At first, one might appreciate this kind of behaviour and feel loved, valued and important.
However, as time goes by, what was enjoyable soon becomes frustrating and annoying. And if this type of behaviour doesn’t appear from the beginning, then it could come out once they feel comfortable enough to reveal this part of themselves.
There is going to be all kinds of ways that another’s neediness can appear and some of these will be subtle, while others will be highly visible. This could range from them wanting to see one all the time, constantly messaging or calling and basically not wanting one to leave from their sight.
These are just a few examples and there are inevitably going to be many others. But regardless of what a person does who is needy, they are going to cause one to feel compromised and even smothered.
A Deeper Look
On one side there is someone who is needy and it is clear that they have some work to do on themselves. They are acting in ways that are similar to how a baby would behave around their primary caregiver. To ignore their physical age and to focus on their level of emotional development would soon show that they haven’t grown up.
But while it can seem as though one person is superior to another here and that one is more evolved, this is often far from the truth. Relationships are symbiotic and therefore if one person has issues, the other person also does. If there wasn’t a match somewhere they wouldn’t have been drawn together.
What stops this from being realised is when one person is caught up in their history and the other has created different coping mechanism and adaptive behaviour to create the illusion of having no problems.
And when one has a pattern of attracting needy people into their life, there is a good chance that this person has rejected and denied their needy side. The other person is fully embracing their needy side and this person has become disconnected from it.
The reason why one is so affected by this behaviour is because it reminds them of their own needy side. This is likely to be a side that they feel shamed of for having and would feel incredibly vulnerable should they show it.
So these people are messengers and are mirroring back what one has covered up and neglected for so long. Whilst the other person needs to become more self-reliant, it is likely that one needs to become more interdependent.
Until one looks within and faces their needy side, they will continue to be attracted to and attract people who are needy. One may have learnt at a very early age that having needs was not safe and so they have spent the rest of their life pretending that they don’t have any.
If they were to get in touch with these needs as an adult, they could end up feeling out of control and overwhelmed by them. This can be the result of one having trapped emotions and feelings that started to build up when they were a baby and continued throughout their childhood and adult years. One could also switch between being needless or needy depending on the situation.
Needs are not something to feel ashamed of for having or that one is less than for having them. If one has trouble not only admitting to others but also themselves that they have needs, then it might be necessary to seek some kind of assistance.
This could be through reading certain books, to receiving coaching or to having therapy or healing. If one has trapped feelings and emotions from when they were younger, then it might be necessary to work with a therapist or a healer to release them.
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include “A Dialogue With The Heart” and “Communication Made Easy.”
Nov 21, 2013
The worst thing you are able to do is send them 100 sms a day or call crying at 3:00 a. Other than that, it’s just about exactly that which you’d think, and at the end in the day, it’s definitely better that it is possible to’t sneak looks with the locations of people which don’t want you seeing their private information. But the recovering from a split up part sucks essentially the most. With that sick day you have just taken, whatever you need to do is stay relaxed and get an organized plan together. But you are not acquiring her back by annoying her – begging, pleading, text message terror – none of the works.
Establishing sexting laws like they have in New York is really a good approach to protect children not only from themselves but from online predators, and I think that is the greater concern. Remember you’ve got only one chance no room for fluff, so be straight about it. Your ex could even tell you how they missed being together with your company like a friend. One in the most dreading things in a very relationship is the place your boyfriend suddenly announces that they “wants space. Is a Slower Realization in the Truth Better for You.
Going from as a twosome to a one some can be a difficult adjustment. Probably not immediately, however you have laid the groundwork to generate him ensure you get back easier around the road. You truly want to commit to getting him or her back and aren’t just doing it since you’re currently feeling needy or sad. I known many of us have been in situations when a relationship that’s going strong goes bad for some reason, resulting inside a breakup. This type of message needs to become used with caution as it’s easy to mess up.
If he ignores the material give him time as continued texting without his reply can look a bother to him. There is a program called The Magic of Making Up that I highly recommend you require a look at. I remember simply how much you enjoy them, thought you’d want to know. They won’t feel obligated to retort, however they are welcome to continue the conversation whenever they’re interested. You’ve obeyed a no contact guideline for several weeks.
You must be viewing this as being a step towards emotional clarity in your case. No person desires to become around a needy particular person. As Google states, ‘Boxbe is often a socially-powered e-mail screening service that reduces e-mail overload and prioritizes your e-mail. “I need to know when I can grab the stuff I left at your house. She will even suffer through countless hours with the game just to become with him.